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i don't find this remotely funny
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Current Music:"Jurassitol"-Filter
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Time:08:56 am
Current Mood:angryangry
so i guess he is giving me the old heave-ho.
whatever.

the world outside is furry and frozen due to a slight winter storm that blew in last night. i need to start to my christmas shopping tomorrow but truth be told, i would rather stay home and watch the game show network. that's like my saturday routine. i sleep in, make coffee, and watch old re-runs of $100,000 pyramid, family fued, and match game. it rules. i want to go on a 70's game show. that would rule. :) impossible, but fun. much like my dating track record. ha. well i'm glad i'm able to make fun of myself.
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Current Music:"Welcome To Atlanta"-Ludacris/Jermaine Dupri
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Time:10:31 am
Current Mood:awakeawake
So I tried calling Adam last night, and got his voicemail. I left a message, and so far, nothing. Am I headed into very familiar territory again? I'm not sure yet.

It is only 13 degrees. This sucks. My hair strands freeze and my hands turn into snowflakes.

My Cavs won last night against the Kings. It was glorious. Pretty much the only good thing about yesterday, other than talking to Katie.

This song is bitchin. It's a remix of the original "Welcome To Atlanta" and I love the verse that starts with, "Who says St. Louis ain't hip hop". Oh yes, one of these days I will go to St Louis. It just seems interesting. I have problems. My favorite Cavalier is from St Louis. :) Larry Hughes is mystifying and wonderful.
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Current Music:"Broken"-Lucky Boys Confusion
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Time:09:29 am
Current Mood:uncomfortableuncomfortable
Tuesday morning. Need more coffee. Okay, I'm alright.

The holidays are approaching, and I'm becoming more numb by the moment. I hate that I'm not going to be with Tom. I'm..alone. I can deal with being alone, better than some might think, but I miss him. More than he can understand. I don't think he has the capacity to understand right now. I haven't talked to him since the end of October.

I feel blue.

I need Eric. I should definitely try giving him a call. He knows how to whip me into shape.
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Current Music:"my very own flag"- Less Than Jake
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Time:12:41 pm
Current Mood:coldcold
Snow today.

It has been almost 4 weeks since that awful party, hearing those awful words. I haven't talked to him since then. It hurts more than he will ever know.

It's too long and drawn out to explain here, and I do not feel like airing my dirty laundry because it involves Tom too. No, don't want to do that.

My salad is super tiny. :(

I hung out with Adam on Friday. Super awesome time.
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Current Music:John Coltrane-"Summertime"
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Time:01:51 pm
Current Mood:gloomygloomy
I have never felt this awful in my life.
I need help.
I have a huge lump forming in my throat, catching sight of my ex, floating right on be, acting like our 3 years together never happened.
I need help.
I’m tired of having anxiety attacks, and I’m tired of feeling like I’m going to be like this for the rest of my life.
People say, “You’ll get over it.” But that is never helpful nor is it reassuring.
I don’t know myself anymore. Do I even care to know? I see his friends even, and they make me ache. I miss them, I miss him, I miss it all. But he is so way out there, I think he has gone to Venus but I don’t blame him because I’d go there too if I had the chance. I made the biggest mistake of my life letting him go and I wish, oh I wish I could shut the door and re-open it & this would have never happened.
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Current Music:eric's frightening singing voice
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Time:11:47 pm
Current Mood:excitedexcited
Eric has nipple rings and a nice stomach

He sure is a catch

He just asked me what color of thong to wear

And this is why I love him

I don't know if we will ever have a child together like we once planned but he is my soul mate and he is going to make some guy very happy someday.

He kissed me romantically before but now when he kisses me it's soft, it's sweet & sad. He said I'm sorry I kissed youlike that, I don't know what got into me and I said, I understand, it's okay-you are gay and I am okay with that

Was it the tequila?
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Time:11:44 pm
Current Mood:crazycrazy
And damn it I am not naive

Fuck you
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Current Music:eric's voice
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Subject:Rain& blue
Time:11:32 pm
Current Mood:happyhappy
I'm at my gay boyfriend's house:-) I am patiently waiting for him to finish getting ready so we can go out dancing. Oh I love him ;-) What a perfect way to spend a rainy October night. I love every minute I spend with him. He has a tongue ring and at times I wish he could be straight because I want to know what it's like to be eaten out by a guy with a tongue ring. That would be nice. But I love him for who he is and he's gay and that's just fine with me.

Oh and by the way I'm still harbouring an all-consuming love for Tom. I saw him today and I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. This sucks.

Eric's dog is breathing heavily & it is disturbing me. And Eric sprayed his fruity scented air deoderizer because his cat's poop smells worse than any other shit
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Current Music:paranoia! cha cha cha-the soviettes
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Time:01:19 pm
Current Mood:depresseddepressed
i'm such a fool for thinking that my reaching out to him would make him come back to me. it backfired. i have never felt so heartbroken in my entire life.
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Current Music:Audioslave "like a stone"
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Time:09:42 am
Current Mood:apatheticapathetic
i hate waiting.
this is for you, katie: i cried so hard i couldn't breathe...
i keep telling myself that what i did was so brave, and that he will come along very soon and tell me the same thing...but how can i be so sure? i'm in hell. yes, this hell i made for myself.
if only he knew. my god. i saw him yesterday for two seconds and i kept thinking about how much i wanted to touch his skin. it's soft and it always smells like irish spring soap.
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i don't find this remotely funny
View:Recent Entries.
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View:Friends.
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You're looking at the latest 10 entries, after skipping 10 newer ones.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries or forward 10 entries