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Current Music:My Shining Hour-John Coltrane
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Time:10:11 pm
Current Mood:happyhappy

my pet!


I'm so happy :) Maybe I'm just delirious from being sick. Yeah, I'm still sick, unfortunately. I ended up leaving work early because I felt like shit. My head is fuzzy and I'm dizzy and congested. Off and on I felt fevered but it's always cold in the office so who knows.

I'm loving Audioslave. I've liked them for awhile now, but I've grown to love them. They have a really good song out right now they play alot on 92.3 which I happen to love love love. :) I think Chris Cornell has the most calming voice. Of course Soundgarden was terrific too. Billy got me the Velvet Revolver CD for Christmas which I'm fucking stoked about. I'll always love Stone Temple Pilots more though, there's no doubt about that.
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Time:12:16 am
Current Mood:lethargiclethargic
This cold I have is getting annoying. I can't think straight.

Well, I didn't see Nick tonite which really bummed me out. But he did tell me he wishes he could be here so he could figure things out, meaning if he lived here, perhaps we could explore. That is what he said.

He said I am an amazing girl. :)

Nick is amazing. He's one of the brightest people I know. He's creative and insightful and brilliant. How many times do I have to say, I wish he still lived here? He grew up here but, he's happier in Arizona. They probably have a better climate. I've been to Arizona before. I stayed in Phoenix with Eric for one night. It was 100 degrees (quite literally), there were a million palm trees, and I got dehydrated as we drove our rental convertible through the desert (also quite literally).
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Time:12:09 am
Current Mood:contemplativecontemplative
Good Karma
You scored 77 Giving, 80 Respectful, and 13 Selfish!
You have all it takes to have Perfect Karma. You're family and friends love you, and you are generous with them. But you remain in your little circle. Sometimes beauty and joy are right behind you! You may feel that the rest of the world doesn't need or deserve your shining light. Little do you know the power of that beaming inner light. The more you shine it on "strangers", the more powerful it becomes. And the more wonderful you'll feel!




My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 56% on Giving

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 60% on Respectful

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 54% on Selfish
Link: The How's Your Karma Test written by Mookie1010 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test
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Subject:i'm bored
Time:11:54 pm
The Window Shopper
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDf)

Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.

You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come.

Your exact opposite:
The Stiletto

Deliberate Brutal Sex Master
Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.

Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.


BEWARE: The Hornivore

CONSIDER: The Gentleman, The Loverboy, The Boy Next Door


Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: coltranegirl
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Time:10:51 pm
Current Mood:sleepysleepy
The year in review...
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
I was more honest and real than I've ever been

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes sir.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No (knock on wood)

5. What countries did you visit?
None

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
More inspiration, more money, and someone fantastic to love and that loves me

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 6th, when Kim and I drove down to Hatteras Island. We left Akron a little past midnite, and we had so much fun driving down there.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Realizing more about myself, not being afraid to seize the uncertainty.

9. What was your biggest failure?
My relationship with Tom. There are a million reasons why a relationship doesn't work out and I hope to one day understand why it's not him I'm going to end up with.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I have had a couple of colds and a bout of the stomach bug

11. What was the best thing you bought?
It's not anything I bought, it's the money I spent on my vacation this year. It was one of the best weeks of my life.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Many people. Andrea, for taking a leap of faith & going where her heart was taking her, that's always a brave thing to do. Katie, for being her strong self.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
My own. And Tom's, right now

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, coffee, cigarettes, and stupid fucking expensive gas

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The week in Hatteras, and my week in Chicago

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
So so many. Here is a short list:
"Glory of the 80's"-Tori Amos
"Someday Not Soon"-Much the Same
"Playing Your Song"-Hole
"State of Love & Trust"-Pearl Jam
"Playboy Mommy"-Tori Amos
"#41"-Dave Matthews Band
"Detour"-Funeral Oration
"The Truth About Me"-Dance Hall Crashers
"Like A Stone"-Audioslave
& so many more.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder?
Depends on the day
b) Thinner or fatter?
Somewhat thinner
c) richer or poorer?
The same, but I have loads of different insurances, a 401k, bla bla bla.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Gone down to Columbus more to see Katie

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Dwelling over Tom and berating myself for everything that went wrong with our "marriage"

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas is over but I spent it with my family and it was glorious

23. How many one-night stands?
A few but none involved sex, just everything else pretty much

24. What was your favourite TV program?
Cleveland Cavaliers games :)

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No

26. What was the best book you read?
I don't remember

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I'd have to say it was more like rediscovery for all the old music I listened to through high school, mainly mid to late 90's alternative :)

28. What did you want and get?
A book of Walt Whitman poetry

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
Nothing comes to mind

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
For the "monumental" 24, I met my dad and stepmom for dinner. That was it

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Casual.

34. What kept you sane?
Writing, phone calls from Katie, seeing the ocean

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
The Cavs, just for improving the way they did

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The war shit.

37. Who did you miss?
So many people. Andrew, Trisha, Nick. My family in Maryland and New Hampshire

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Oddly, it was this guy I met at Josh's Halloween party. His name was Brett I think. We only knew each other for a few hours, yet we ended up crying on each other's shoulders. I haven't seen him since. He was fascinating and dark and he gave me a hug when I left and told me, "I hope you feel better soon"

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
To have faith that everything happens when and how it's supposed to.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
So I know it's just a spring haze
But I don't much like the look of it
And all we do is circle it
And I found out where my edge is
And it bleeds into where you resist
And my only way, way out is to go
So far in
Billowing out to somewhere
Billowing out
Luna riviera
Billowing out to Somewhere
from "Spring Haze"-Tori Amos
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Current Music:"Playboy Mommy"-Tori Amos
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Time:02:14 pm
Current Mood:sicksick
Christmas was good. It was unusually mild. Now it's windy and it was snowing when I woke up. And now I'm getting sick. My throat hurts and I hate standing up. I'm just blah. Ryan gave it to Billy, and Billy gave it to me. I thought I would have been able to sidestep it, but ever since my stint with mono in September, my immunity to colds has become poor. I thought, more colds..no big deal. But then you get dizzy and your nose is full and everything else.

On Friday I saw Nick which made me beyond happy. I met him up at this pub in North Hill and we watched the Cavs game and talked about everything. I'm sad that he has to go back to Phoenix on Wednesday. We might get to hang out today but I'm not sure. He mentioned he has to have dinner with his god mother today. I have always had feelings for Nick, but I disguised them for a long time. I exposed them and I think he might have some of the same feelings for me too. We have alot in common, and we can talk about everything. We see things the same way, and we make each other laugh. Not to mention, he's fucking hot. :) But he's such a breath of fresh air. He makes sense to me. Tom and I couldn't really talk about things. He didn't like having long conversations. In essence, talking to Tom was like talking to a wall. A gorgeous wall, no less. But looks aren't everything.

I feel fevered and drowsy. And I took a bath but the water was lukewarm because Billy was doing laundry. I went to see my grandma in the hospital on Saturday. She seemed better than she was when I saw her on Wednesday. She fell and broke her hip and her arm. It breaks my heart that she has to be in the hospital during the holidays. Her spirits are pretty good though. We brought her shrimp cocktail and chocolate-cranberry muffins. More than anything though, she wanted a cigarette. And she says that the hospital coffee is "damn awful". Ha :)

I hope everyone had a good Christmas.
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Current Music:"Dissident"-Pearl Jam
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Time:11:14 pm
Current Mood:pissed offpissed off
The Cavs beat the Bulls, yeah!

Only one more day of work until a 3-day weekend. I am not sure if I'm going to Toronto for New Year's Eve or not. Well, the ex is still morose and icy. I haven't seen his face in a week. I try to leave my cubical and office as little as possible because I don't want to cross his path. I just may turn to stone. The sad thing is, I still care. It's obvious to me he doesn't, though. I am trying to let go, and I think as soon as I do, I'll be alot better off. I don't want to drag his name through the mud, because he can be a wonderful person, but not to me lately. I don't need this aggravation and bullshit, and I don't need his fucking agenda. He has come off as being the martyr to everyone, his family, friends. "You broke his heart" they all say. Where was all that sorry-ass pity when he broke mine? I broke up with him because I needed time to breathe, to think. I needed to sort myself out. I wasn't happy, in all areas of my life. So when I do get things in my head figured out, I expose it all to him. He says he can't love anything right now, that he doesn't know what his problem is. Then he is a total prick to me at that fucking party that I should have never gone to. He did not answer his phone when I called and he didn't call me back. So much for my fucking sunny message to him. He can shove it up his ass. Whatever. I'm getting pissed. My face is all hot now just thinking about how low I have felt and how he doesn't fucking care. Well, if he doesn't care, why the fuck should I? I need to move on. I have been putting myself under all this shame and scrutiny the past six months, and for what?

Fuck him.
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Subject:dems kick ass
Time:10:15 pm
You are a

Social Liberal
(60% permissive)

and an...

Economic Liberal
(26% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Democrat




Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test
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Current Music:"B.Y.O.B"-System of a Down
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Time:09:54 pm
Current Mood:melancholymelancholy
In the work gift exchange on Friday I got the best of Frank Sinatra. :) It makes me happy.

My computer is up and running again, thanks to a brand new hard drive. Stupid computer viruses.

My Cavs just shut out the Utah Jazz. :) Ryan is back from Mexico but he's sick. He sounds all snotty and congested. I'm still pretty pissed at Tom. I have been going out of my way to avoid him. I don't even want to see his face right now. He is so emotionally stunted it's ridiculous. I never thought I'd say this about him, because I loved/love him more than anything in the world, but I am angry. Very angry. I'm knee-deep in shit once again. I can't stand how icy he is. If I wanted to be showered by chilliness I would stand outside in the freezing rain.

Today for a split second I thought that January had already come and gone and it was a happy thought. I hate January. If it was a person I'd kill it. I don't know why I thought January was gone already. I guess I was letting the optimism come through for a minute.
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Current Music:"Youth Decay"-Sleater Kinney
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Time:12:51 pm
Current Mood:confusedconfused
I changed the format of this journal-the pink cutesy stuff is just nauseating.

I have no tolerance for who he has become. I tried to reach out and be friendly and I get absolutely nothing for it. Karmic retribution? Perhaps. But I feel angry and hurt, as I should, because his behavior is absolutely childish and cold.

Christmas shopping yesterday. I still have to buy for my dad, stepmom, and Ryan. Other than that, I have it all taken care of. I bought the 1st season of Will & Grace yesterday, for me :) Made me feel a bit better.

Ryan gets back from Mexico tomorrow-I will be so happy to hear his sarcastic remarks once again. I have missed him. He has been in Puerto Vallarta for over a week and it's weird when he's not around. His laugh is goofy and wonderful.
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i don't find this remotely funny
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